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0:00
I mean, my mom never thought this would work out. She was all once a cheater, always a
0:07
cheater. Mhm. Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost
0:14
those four months. But if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective,
0:23
we were on a break. Coffee house. You bet.
0:29
And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship. Yeah. You and that girl from the copy
0:36
place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for. I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for. Okay. I didn't
0:42
finish the whole letter. What? I fell asleep. You fell asleep?
0:49
It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 pages.
0:59
front and back. Oh, and by the way, y u apostrophe r e
1:06
means you are. Y r means you're know. I can't believe I even thought of
1:12
getting back together with you. We are so over. Fine by me.
1:20
Oh. Oh, and hey, hey, hey. Those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica. Hey,
1:27
sorry. I just feel bad about all that sleep you're going to miss. Wishing you were
1:32
with me. Oh, no. No. Don't you worry about me falling asleep. I still have your letter.
1:39
Hey, dude. Some guy just called for you. Who was it? I don't know. How about thanks for
1:45
taking the message. Jesus. Hey, listen. You know when you move in,
1:51
Rachel's room's going to be empty. You want to talk about what we want to do with it? Sure. Okay, I was thinking we should
1:56
have a beautiful guest room, right, with um a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on it all the time.
2:02
And then we can have like a roll top desk with little comment card so people can tell us how much they love staying here.
2:09
Hey, whatever. You know, I really haven't thought about it that much. Well, I like that idea obviously,
2:15
but I was thinking maybe maybe it could be a game room, you know? I mean, you can buy old arcade games like uh like
2:22
Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200. The real ones. The big big big ones.
2:29
No. Okay. So, you mean no as in G Chandler?
2:34
What an interesting idea. Let's discuss it before we reject it completely. Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
2:42
Yes. Interesting idea. Um, talk about it. But no.
2:47
So, that's it. Well, I just don't think that, you know, arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The beautiful
2:53
guest room is going to be filled with antiques, which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's the oldest game.
3:00
What do you have against the beautiful guest room? Nothing. I don't have anything against the beautiful guest room, especially since everybody that we know lives about
3:07
30 seconds away. Are you mocking me? No, I'm not mocking you or your
3:12
beautiful game.
3:18
Hey, what's up? Nothing. Monica and I had a stupid fight. But you're still moving in together,
3:24
right? Cuz my ad came out today. Wanted female roommate, non-smoker, non
3:30
ugly. So, come on, explain yourself, Geller.
3:36
First, you get my Rachel pregnant. You got Rachel pregnant? Who did? You did? Yes.
3:43
Yes. Yes, I did. But but it was it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing. Oh, really? That's what my daughter
3:50
means to you? Nothing? No, no, sir. Um, she means a lot to me. I mean, I I care I I love Rachel. What?
3:56
Oh, but not in that way. I mean I mean I'm not in love with her. I love her like like a friend.
4:01
Oh, really? That's how you treat a friend. You get her in trouble and then you refuse to marry her. Hey, I offered to marry her, but I
4:07
didn't want to. [Laughter] Well, why not? So you could spend your
4:13
time with this I'm sorry. Dr. Green. Mona. Mona. Dr. Green.
4:20
[Applause] How could you have kept all of this from me? I I was going to tell you, but
4:25
But what? You figure you get what you wanted, then you dump her like you did Rachel. Hey, I did not dump Rachel, nor are we
4:32
still together. Oh. Um,
4:37
can I Why don't we just let the machine get back?
4:44
Hey, Ross, it's Joey. There's a hooker over here, and we thought maybe you'd know something about it.
4:51
No, no, no, no, no. I I need to lie down.
4:56
What's up, Joe? Okay. What have we always wanted to do together? Braid each other's hair and ride
5:02
horseback on the beach. Oh, no. No. When you get home tomorrow night, you and I are going to be at the
5:08
Wizards Knicks game courtside. Courtzside? Oh my god. Yeah. Maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
5:16
That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.
5:22
Hello. Joey just called. He's got courtside Nicks tickets for him and me tomorrow night. Really? But tomorrow night's the only
5:28
night I get off from the restaurant. If you go to the game, then we won't have a night together for another week. But hey, it's courtside. The
5:34
cheerleaders are going to be right in. That's not the way to convince you.
5:40
Taylor, look, I don't want to be one of those wives that says you can't go to the game. You have to spend time with me. So, if you could just realize it on
5:47
your own. I I know. You're right. I want to see you, too.
5:52
I just got to figure out a way to tell Joey, you know, he's really looking forward to this. Tell him that you haven't seen your wife in a long time.
5:58
Tell him that having a long-distance relationship is really difficult. Tell him that what little time we have
6:05
together is is precious. I'll think of something.
6:10
Cab's ready. All right, let's go. You're welcome. Oh, I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me
6:16
or sleeping with someone else? We were on a break.
6:21
You know, Ross, why don't you just put that on your answering machine? Hey. Hey, it's valid. Okay. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Monica
6:28
agrees with me. What? I don't know.
6:34
That's what you said last night. What I said was was that I understood
6:40
Joey is the one who agreed with you. Okay. Really, Joey?
6:46
What? You know what? But there there is no right or wrong here.
6:51
No, I think it's very obvious who's wrong here. Obviously, not to Joey.
6:59
What? Joey about the same way that I do. No, no, no.
7:06
Guess who I am.
7:15
[Applause] Look what you're doing to Chandler.
7:22
Isn't this great? Couldn't you just stay like this forever?
7:30
Champler, couldn't you just stay here forever? Yeah, here somewhere else. You know,
7:37
where? Wherever, are you okay? Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
7:45
Wh What are you doing? Well, just hanging out, you know, having fun, you know, with the girl that I'm seeing. Casually,
7:52
man, I knew it. I knew you were going to do this. What? get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking
7:58
around about marriage and stuff. Well, you you do want all that stuff, right?
8:04
Oh, and you know what I want. Yes, you want babies. You have baby fever.
8:10
I do not have baby fever. Oh, please. You are obsessed with babies and and marriage and everything that's
8:16
related to babies and and and marriage. You know what? I got a good idea. Why don't we turn the heat down on this
8:22
pressure cooker? You lost your mind, Taylor. This isn't
8:28
about me. This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap. Nuh-uh. I know you. Okay. I know the
8:33
thoughts that you have in the head in your head. You don't know everything. Did you know
8:39
that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? H And did you know that the only baby around here is you? And
8:44
did you know that I can't even look at you right now?
8:50
Yo, I did not know that.
8:55
It's going to be okay, right? I mean, she's not going to leave me. This is this is fixable. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Absolutely.
9:01
By me. Oh, no. No. No. Well, unless you make some kind of big
9:08
gesture. Yeah. Big though. Oh, The misses.
9:15
Here. Can I Can I get a coffee to go?
9:21
I'm I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you. Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
9:26
What? Well, that's what we do. You know, I I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then, you know, you
9:32
think I'm all cute again. I'm really I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're going to
9:39
have to figure this one out for yourself, right? You know what? You're too afraid to be in a real relationship,
9:44
then don't be in one.
9:53
Monica, I need to talk to her. It's urgent. Is she here? Hi, Monica. I need to talk to you. It's urgent.
10:00
Okay. Okay. I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, you know, a lot of uh us
10:05
thinking. And uh well, I guess there's only one one way to do this.
10:12
[Applause] What are you doing, Monica? No. No. No. Don't don't don't do
10:19
it. Will you marry me? [Applause]
10:25
What a bad idea. Oh, I can't not look at it.
10:32
Chandler, why are you doing this? I don't know, but I know I'm not afraid to do this.
10:39
Chandler, I'm doing this because I'm sorry.
10:45
Do you um you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry? Well, no. The best reason to get married
10:51
is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth, you know,
10:57
behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. Will you be my wife?
11:05
Taylor, um I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
11:15
Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
11:20
Do you know that none of that stuff came from me? I mean, I never said that I wanted to have babies and get married
11:25
right now. Yeah, I don't. But I was really confused. And then I talked to these guys. Who? Two divorces and Joey.
11:33
Hey, she's right, you know. Yeah, but still cheap shot.
11:42
No. You know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own?
11:48
Well, you're not ready for that. I didn't think I was.
11:54
[Applause] What are Hi. Well, what are you doing here? I'm I'm
12:01
supposed to pick you up. Change of plans. I made you a special Valentine's dinner. Surprise.
12:09
Oh, hey Mona. Hi. Hi. Hi, Rachel. What's she doing here?
12:16
I have no idea. Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs
12:21
me. Seriously, what is she doing? Uh, you know, lately she just likes
12:26
hanging out here. Why? I think she's lonely.
12:32
Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we just ask her to go? Well, no. No. She's way too emotional.
12:40
And by emotional, I mean,
12:46
I'm not here. That's just my Chinese food. Oh my god, she has food delivered here.
12:51
Yes, she's she's emotional, but but ballsy.
12:57
You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
13:05
And you thought she was going to be in our way. So, okay. Why don't you uh open the
13:12
champagne and I will be right back. I've got a surprise for you. You got another ex-wife back there.
13:20
Please start drinking. Okay, let's see. Okay, the turkeyy's in the oven. The stuffing is ready. You know, you always cook this meal all
13:26
by yourself. Let me help this year. A Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you
13:32
to do. I'm serious. Let me do something. Just not the turkey or the stuffing. Nothing
13:38
highprofile. Let's see. Oh, the cranberry sauce. It's easy to
13:43
make and no one really cares about it. Tell me more. Okay, I'm going to go check on something
13:49
across the hall. You start by washing these. Okay.
13:54
Not with soap.
14:00
You obviously haven't tasted my Palm Olive potatoes. Sorry. I know it's our anniversary, but I told you on the phone I don't have
14:07
time to stop. Okay, you don't have to stop. I'm invisible. I'm not here. Yeah, but I don't.
14:14
Who approved that order? Well, there is no Mark Robinson in this office. Get me
14:20
Mark on the phone. I love Mark. Do you know Mark? Yeah. Well, let me just check up with what
14:26
I've got here. All right. See, 038 is not the number for this floor. 038 is Atlanta.
14:36
Pepper. None for me.
14:43
I'm sorry. As I was saying, the store number is wrong and I'm sorry, but that is Oh my god.
14:52
Okay. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm going to have
14:58
to call you back. I've got Shmp in my office.
15:03
What are you doing? I'm sorry, but um Hey. Oh, somebody's off the phone. How about a glass of wine
15:09
by the fire? I'd get it going again if you Do you realize this is the first time in my life I'm doing something I actually
15:15
care about? This is the first time in my life I'm doing something that I'm actually good at. I mean, if you don't get that.
15:20
No. Hey, I get that. Okay. I get that big time. And I'm happy for you, but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine. Okay. I don't know
15:26
what to do anymore. Well, neither do I. Is this about Mark?
15:34
Oh my god. Okay, it's not. Oh my god. I cannot keep having the same fight over and over again. Ross, no.
15:42
You're you're you're making this too hard. Oh, I'm I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do? I don't know. I don't know. Look, maybe
15:49
we should just take a break. Okay. Okay, fine. You're right. Let's uh let's take a break. Let's cool off.
15:55
Okay. Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
16:00
No. A break from us.
16:13
It's the worst thing that can happen on anniversary ever. Oh, good. All right. You decided to tell about the Richard thing.
16:22
What? What Richard things? Oh, no.
16:28
What Richard think? Simmons. Go with Simmons.
16:35
[Music] Okay. I um I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked me if I wanted to go for a
16:42
bite and I did. And the only reason why I didn't tell you is because I I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil
16:48
our anniversary. I'm not mad.
16:54
Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you you bumped into Richard. You grabbed a bite.
17:01
No big deal. Great.
17:11
Okay, London one. We should take a trip. We should?
17:17
Yep. We're a couple and that's uh what couples do. And I want to meet your parents. We should take a trip with your
17:25
parents.
17:30
I don't think we need to because you're tripping me out right now.
17:35
Are you okay? No, I am. I actually am. I mean, this is amazing. My entire life, I have feared
17:43
this place. And now that I'm here, it's like, what was the big deal? I mean, I could probably say, "Let's move in
17:49
together." And I'd be okay. You probably want us to move in together.
17:55
It doesn't scare me. Yeah, well, it scares me. I mean, I'm not even divorced yet, Chandler. You
18:00
know, you just invited me over here for pasta and all of a sudden you're like talking about moving in together and I
18:06
wasn't even that hungry. You know what? It's getting really late and I I should just um
18:11
Oh, no. No, don't go. I've scared you. I've said too much. I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love.
18:25
Hey Janice, it's me. Um, yeah, I I just wanted to apologize in advance for
18:30
having chased you down the street.
18:39
She sent the chicken back again. She said it's too dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants.
18:46
Well, fine. I'd like to meet this chicken expert. Send the colonel in.
18:55
Oh my god.
19:00
Lucky bastard. Janice, how are you, Miss Hot Shot Chef at the
19:08
big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever?
19:14
I'm fine. Oh, what is that on your finger? I'm blind.
19:21
Um, so who's the lucky guy?
19:27
Oh my god, I am so sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?
19:37
You didn't tell her we're getting married, did you? Well, she saw the ring. Did she freak out? Well, she was shocked when I told her,
19:43
but then again, so were most people, right? Well, she actually has a boyfriend, you
19:48
know, herself. Name's Clark. Uh, she also kind of invited herself to our
19:53
wedding. Clark, too. You said no, right?
20:00
Huh? You said no, right? Well, she cornered me and she asked me
20:08
if the wedding was in town. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Why? How hard is that? Your checks in the
20:14
mail. Oh, your baby is so cute. I I can't wait to read your book, Ross.
20:23
And so she comes to the wedding. Maybe it won't be so bad. When do you think she's just going to sit there quietly? You don't think she's
20:29
going to want to make a toast? You don't think she's going to want to grab the microphone and sing part-time lover?
20:35
Oh my god. She's not going to like the chicken that night, either, is she?
20:42
You know what? It's going to be okay. You know what? She's probably not going to even want to come. Really?
20:48
No. That was a lie. See how easy that was?
20:54
So So you would have just lied? Yes. Would have really been that easy?
21:01
Yes. Good. So do it Saturday night cuz we're going to dinner with her and Clark.
21:08
[Music] Now you you've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay? Mhm.
21:16
You sure you're all right? Yep. Okay. Um, well, I'm going to go uh grab
21:22
us some breakfast. FYI, there it is.
21:28
In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.
21:36
Wait, what? You're uh you're mad at me about last night? I was just trying to
21:41
do the right thing. Really? Well, it seems to me if you had done the right thing, I would not have woken up today
21:46
feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied.
21:53
Well, oh, stop that. I can't believe this. What? I I was just
21:59
being a good guy. I treated you with with respect and understanding. Oh, that is so hot.
22:05
Hey, I was looking out for you. Oh, really? Well, Ross, you know what? I am a big girl. I don't need someone
22:10
telling me what is best for me. I got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before. This is the worst ever.
22:19
Oh, really? Really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either. Oh, okay. You know, hey, hey, you know what? You know what? To avoid this
22:25
little thing in the future, let's just say you and me never having sex again. What? That's right. Sex is off the table. I am
22:32
never having sex with you again.
22:42
Okay. See, she stole my jeans.
22:50
What? I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them.
22:55
So, she stole your pants and then she came back and wore them in front of you. Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
23:04
She must have been planning this for years. I will prove it to you. Okay. About a
23:09
week ago, I was wearing those jeans and I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an ink stain on the crotch. Now, when she
23:14
comes back, I will find it and show you that stain.
23:19
Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt before we go snooping around her crotch?
23:27
Hey. Hey. You got a second? Sure. Sure. Come on in.
23:33
Hello, sweetheart. Um, what you what you guys doing here? Uh, we are here to break up with you.
23:42
Both of you. Basically, we think you're a horrible human being and bad things should happen
23:47
to you. I'm sorry. Sorry, God. I am so sorry.
23:52
I'm an idiot. I was weak. I I couldn't help myself. Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much.
24:01
Uh, which one of us are you talking to there, Bear?
24:06
Mindy. Mindy. Of course, Mindy. It was always Mindy. Even when we were having sex in that
24:12
chair. Look, I swear. Look, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you. Oh, please. During that second time, you
24:20
couldn't have picked her out of a lineup. You did it twice. Well, the first time didn't really
24:25
count. I mean, you know, it was Barry. We're already late for Phoe's birthday dinner. So, you're going to put out that
24:32
cigarette. We're gonna put this fight on hold and go have sex. Fine. What?
24:39
Sex? This is the last day that I'm ovulating and if we if we don't do it now, then I'm gonna have to wait till next month.
24:44
You're serious? Oh, yeah. All right, fine. I'll do it. But no talking
24:50
and no cuddling. And no kissing your neck. Oh, good. I hate it when you do that.
24:59
And lots of kissing your neck. Hello.
25:04
Hello. Is Ross there? Uh, no he's not. Can I take a message? Yes. This is Russell, Ross' divorce lawyer. Just tell him that since I
25:10
haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try. Ross got married again? No.
25:20
All right, keep going. We are phasing the accent out. Phasing it out.
25:26
So without retesting their results in the laboratory, the team would never have identified
25:36
the initial errors in their carbon dating analysis.
25:44
Were there any questions at this point? Yes. What's happening to your accent?
25:53
Come again. What's What's this nonsense?
26:00
All right. I'm I'm not English. I'm from Long Island.
26:07
I was really nervous and the accent just um just came out.
26:13
I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the
26:18
lecture. Um, were there any questions
26:26
about paleontology? All right. Look, I was just trying to
26:32
make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of
26:37
me is really important because I'm I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So, if you just give me another chance to
26:44
make a good impression. Russ, are you crazy? I am still your
26:50
wife? What were you just never going to tell me? What the hell is wrong with you?
26:55
I could just kill you.
27:02
Well, Rachel, you two were involved in a serious relationship that really creates a problem. Ros, your honor, rest assured that
27:09
relationship ended two years ago. And can you please strike Consummated Like Bunnies from the record?
27:15
Is there anything in this record that is actually true? Uh well, yes. We uh we got married in
27:21
Vegas and uh and the names I think. Well, based on what I've heard, you two
27:28
certainly don't qualify for an anolment. If you don't want to be together, you'll have to file for divorce.
27:33
That's great. You happy now? Look what you did with your funny funny form. What me? What about you and your
27:40
consummated like bunnies nonsense? Now, what are you typing that for? She
27:46
already said we don't get the anulment. Don't type that. What? Stop typing. Hey,
27:53
stop typing. Stop typing. Stop typing.
27:58
Okay. Do you see? Do you see what you are keeping me married to? You need to get out of my chambers.
28:04
All right. Look, lady. Here is the deal. I came here for an anolment, and I am not leaving here until I get one.
28:10
Would you like to spend the night in jail? Okay. Thank you for your time. Why are your eyes so wide?
28:16
You tell me. Maybe it's because I was just fooling around with my ex. Oh, no. No, no, no,
28:22
no. That was you. Oh my god. All right. How did you know?
28:27
Joey told me he saw you two kissing in the park.
28:32
No, in his office. How many kisses were there? Just those two. Wh why why why was there kissing? There
28:39
should be no kissing. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I'm so so so
28:45
I'm so so sorry. I just But I Oh, what happened was I I I can't breathe. Did
28:52
you get me a bag or something? Here. Here.
28:57
There. It's the receipt.
29:03
I'll take it. It was a mistake. I made a mistake. Okay. A mistake? What were you trying to put
29:09
it in? her purse. Where? Where did he put it?
29:17
[Applause] Ros, you had sex with another woman. Oh my god.
29:22
Oh god. I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
29:29
Yeah. Well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk. You guys knew about this and you didn't
29:34
tell us. He had sex and we get hit in our heads. You know what? I want you to leave. Get
29:39
out of here. Just get out. No, I know. I want to stay. I want to talk about this. Okay. All right. How was she?
29:46
Uh-oh.
29:51
What was she good? Don't answer that.
29:58
Rose, you said you wanted to talk about it. Let's talk about it. How was she? She was awful.
30:04
She was not good. Not good. Nothing compared to She She was different. Oh.
30:11
Uhoh. Good. Different.
30:16
Nobody likes change.
30:23
Should we do something? Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
30:28
I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I I was disgusted with myself and then this morning I was so I was I was so upset
30:35
and then I got your message and I was so happy and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.
30:45
What time did your little friend leave?
30:51
Oh my god. She was there. She was still there. She was in there when I was in there.
30:59
ask you. Listen. Oh, hey. Hey. The important thing is she meant she meant nothing to
31:05
me. And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship.
31:10
Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up. We were on a break.
31:16
That for all I knew could last forever. That to me is a break up. You think you're going to get out of this on a technicality?
31:22
I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay? I thought our relationship was dead. Well, you sure had a hell of a
31:28
time at the wake. You know what? I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
31:34
What are you doing? I can't go out there. Why not? I'm hungry.
31:40
Because they'll know we've been listening. God, I'd have to hear about it from Gunther.
31:45
Come on. Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen.
31:52
Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all
31:58
over again. You know what? I think we can go out there. I mean, they have more important
32:04
things to worry about. Yeah, we'll be fine. Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I thought I should. I I did. And then
32:10
Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
32:17
Wax the door shut. We're never leaving up. I I love your breasts the way they are. H
32:23
fascist. Well, my breasts are going to get bigger whether you like it or not. And and you
32:30
know what? It's not just my breasts. My ass is going to get bigger, too. Your ass?
32:36
Yeah. And don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger, too.
32:41
They do that? It's kind of a package deal. God, why? Why would you want to do that
32:48
to yourself? I thought it was something that we both wanted. All right, look. If it means that much to
32:54
you, I may be able to get on board with the big boobs, but the giant ass and the big clown feet.
33:01
Oh my god, Chandler. If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital with the blood and the
33:07
screaming and the little person that's shooting out of her?
33:14
What? Oh. Oh. Whoops. Oh, I seem to have dropped my
33:20
fork. Let me just bend over and get it.
33:26
[Laughter]
33:32
Oh god. Okay, enough. This is This is not going
33:39
to happen. Oh, come on, Ros. I'm miserable here. Come on. You started this. Now you
33:45
finish it. Come on, West. Big love to me.
33:52
You know what? What? Forget it.
33:59
Oh, wow. What? Now, Ross, you're not going to talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me?
34:06
Oh, wait a minute. I know.
34:12
I mean, you think the damn jalapeno would have cleared up your sinuses, but no, that's not enough. What are you
34:19
doing? I'm getting that baby out of you. [Applause]
34:29
Oh god. Oh, I know. Oh no. I think my water just broke.
34:38
I am good. Monica,
34:44
she's sleeping. I know. Just quick quick quick question.
34:52
Which one was Deep Impact and which one was Armageddon?
34:58
Deep Impact was the one with Robert Dval. Armageddon is what's going to happen to you if you wake me up.
35:06
Sorry, I just can't sleep.
35:14
Where is that book that you were reading with the two women who were ice skating and wearing wearing those hats with the
35:21
flowers on it? Because every time I look at that cover, I'm like,
35:27
it is in the living room where there is also a light and no one will kick you in the shin.
35:34
What? Ow. [Music]
35:44
I'm sorry. I thought maybe I'd make some warm milk and it would help me sleep with a walk.
35:51
Thought you were going to read my boring book to put you to sleep. It got interesting.
35:57
Damn you, Oprah. Here, let me make the milk. I'm up
36:02
anyway. Hey, you know what we could do? You know, now that we're up, we could just like talk to each other all night long,
36:08
you know, like we did when we were first going out. It'd be fun. Okay, that does sound fun. Yeah. So, how bummed were you when the
36:16
second sister died? Huh? The second sister dies.
36:24
No, no. I I I was talking about the book I
36:30
was reading, The Second Sister Dies in Archie and Jug Head Double Digest.
36:37
That's correct. And I were talking and and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down
36:43
and she suggested that we just put the wedding off for a bit.
36:50
She said what? She said, "If I'm not going to be happy getting married somewhere that we can find in a day, well, then we should just
36:55
postpone it. Postpone it.
37:02
Emily, do you think Monica realizes how much our parents spent on this wedding? Huh? Do you think my sister's teeny tiny
37:09
little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly
37:14
thousands of miles to be here? Huh?
37:21
This isn't right. I realize that people are going to be disappointed.
37:27
But I'm sure they'll come back when we can do it right. Well, I can't ask people to do that. Would you ask people to do that?
37:33
Don't you point your pants at me. We have no choice. Anywhere that's half
37:40
decent will have been booked months ago. Ross, don't you understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about. The only thing I understand is
37:45
postponing it is not an option. This is when we're getting married. So, what are you saying? It's now or never?
37:51
No, I'm saying it's now or. There's no or in mine. What is wrong with these pants?
37:59
It's not the pants. It's you who's backwards. And if and if you don't understand how important this is to me,
38:05
well then perhaps we shouldn't be getting married at all. What? Emily, no. Wait. Stop. Emily, please.
38:10
Oh. Hey. Hey.
38:16
You know, I'm I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding. Oh, boy. Me, too.
38:22
You know, I was thinking if we had a a big fight and uh we broke up for a few hours.
38:28
Yeah. Technically, we could have sex again. What do you think? Bossy and doineering.
38:35
The wedding is off. Sloppy and immature. That's me.
38:41
My cousin Cassie's in the guest room. We're supposed to have lunch. Well, get rid of her. Obsessive and shrill.
38:47
Shrill. The wedding is back on. Maybe we should go. No, you guys, you
38:52
really don't have to go. We're done talking. But come on. Look, I know how you must No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst
39:00
things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world
39:06
not only thinks them, too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you?
39:12
No, but but see, I want to be with you in spite of all those things.
39:17
Oh, well, that's that's mighty big of you, Ross. I said don't go.
39:25
You know what? You know what? If if things were the other way around, there
39:30
is nothing you could put on a list that would that would ever make me not want to be with you. Well, then I guess that's the difference
39:37
between us. See, God never make a list. What do we do?
39:42
What do you mean what do we do? Twint. Twint.
39:48
Taylor, you're panicking. Uh-huh. Join me, won't you?
39:53
Okay. What do you say we keep one and then just like have an option on the other one? We can't split them up.
39:59
Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion and then years later they'll find each other
40:07
and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody. Okay. What if the person who adopts the
40:14
other one is horrible? What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king? Yeah, because I hear
40:19
the king is looking to adopt. Michael, we are not ready to have two
40:24
babies. That doesn't matter. We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two
40:30
babies. I don't care if it's three babies. I don't care if the entire cast of eight is enough comes out of there.
40:37
Well, it happened about six weeks ago and uh I had just gotten home from work
40:43
and Ross was already there cuz I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey. You're welcome, buddy.
40:48
[Laughter] [Applause] Yeah, thanks.
40:55
And so I had a lot of work to do and Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little
41:01
wine. We got to talking and next thing you know, out of nowhere, Ross comes on to me.
41:07
That's That's a little misleading. What is the lie you just told
41:16
that that you came on to me? There's the one. But you did. We can be Let's be honest.
41:21
Yes. Let's You know what? Uh it's it's not
41:27
important. What's important is that is that we're having a baby and it's not doesn't matter who came on to who. Whom.
41:37
That's right. You know, you kissed me first. What? What? You were begging me to kiss
41:44
you. You you you were sending me signals all over the place. I was sending you signals. Oh, please.
41:49
Okay. Anyone in this room think that I would actually send Ross begging signals? Please show off hands.
41:58
You know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people believe. What matters is what happened. Okay. Well, so these signals, Ross,
42:04
explain this to me cuz maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now? You know what? You know what, Rachel?
42:10
Just Just drop it. No, please show me how I begged you. I can show you. I have it on videotape.
42:21
Wanted to interesting.
42:29
Anyway, um probably worked out for the best.
42:36
Yeah, sure. Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going to see him kiss me. And in about five
42:42
seconds, you're going to see why.
42:48
Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
42:56
[Laughter]
43:01
Hey, get ready to see some begging. Oh, you came on to Ross.
43:08
What? Now I'm so happy. What are you talking about?
43:13
You use the Europe story. That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex.
43:21
How do you know about that story? How do you know about that story?
43:27
I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy. Some guy?
43:36
No. No. She told me that his name was Ken Adams.
43:41
Ken Adams. I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out.
43:47
I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman
43:53
named Hildy called and said we were getting married, but that happens every day.
44:01
Honey, we were at this beautiful place and I I I just put our names down for fun. I mean, what's the harm in that?
44:07
Right here, Mom. Taylor, please don't think I was trying
44:13
to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel just thought that Phoebe and Rachel. So, the people that knew about our wedding before me were
44:20
you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and apparently some band called the Starlight Magic 7, who are available, by
44:26
the way. It was a mistake. Please don't take this
44:32
to mean anything because it doesn't.
44:37
Okay. Really? Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything
44:43
because you know that I'm just not ready. I know. I know.
44:49
Okay. All right. I'm going to go tell Joey that that you're back. He's really
44:55
worried about you.
45:02
Hey, did she buy it? Totally. So, did Hilly show you the place?
45:08
Yeah, it's beautiful. I can't believe you're going to ask Monica to marry you.
45:14
I know. Hello. My name is Clunkers.
45:21
May I please stay with you nice people? Oh, I wish you could stay here, but
45:26
Chandler is allergic. Extremely allergic. Okay. If I am anywhere near a dog for more than 5
45:33
minutes, my throat will just close up. That's odd, cuz this dog's been living here for the past 3 days.
45:46
Really, Taylor? If the dog has been here that long and you haven't had a reaction,
45:52
maybe you're not allergic to this dog. Well, it still has to go, right? Why?
45:58
Okay, it's um Don't do it. Don't do what?
46:04
I have to. Okay, it's time.
46:12
Okay. I hate dogs. What? What? Crazy.
46:17
Told you.
46:23
They are needy. They are jumpy. And you can't tell what they are thinking. And
46:28
that scares me a little bit. You're right. They are scary. She just ate a
46:35
treat out of my hand. Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs?
46:41
I mean, not even puppies. Is there a puppy here? You don't like puppies? Okay, you are
46:49
new. Look, Chandler, I told you never tell
46:55
anyone about this dog thing. It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
47:01
You don't like ice cream? It's too cold. Okay, just the dogs make me a little
47:08
uncomfortable. Hurts my teeth. And I don't want to say this. I don't want you guys to hate me, but uh I don't
47:15
think I can be around that dog anymore. Okay, so either the dog goes or I go.
47:20
Huh?
47:28
Oh my god. Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back
47:33
now. Please don't leave me. I'll be lonely. Stop it. Stop. Okay, let's go. Well, we
47:42
can be strong. Yeah. Okay.
47:47
Oh my god. Did you hear that? She said, "Monica, I can't leave her."
47:53
You know, if you want, we could sneak the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't even know. That's not going to work. I
47:59
had that dog there for 3 days and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart. Hey,
48:05
I didn't know either. Yeah, but you kind of knew that something was going on, didn't you?
48:11
Yeah, I knew. Hi, honey.
48:17
Please, please, please don't be mad at me. What? Why? Why would wait and see? Maybe
48:22
we will. Maybe we won't. Okay. I went over to Ross's apartment to bring back clunkers, you know, for you.
48:29
And I left the door open and she must have gotten out and I looked everywhere
48:36
all over the apartment, including the roof, which FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors growing weed.
48:44
I couldn't find him and I am so so so
48:49
sorry. But I do know where we can all go. Ease the pain.
48:58
We have good news. Look who's back. Hey, look. Oh my god.
49:04
That's right. She came back all by herself. It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
49:11
It is so good to see you. Yet she came all the way back from Ross's building. Oh, the things she must
49:17
have seen. And then she climbed up the fire escape and she tapped on the window with her
49:23
teeny little paw. And then we ran to let her in. I went too far, didn't I?
49:31
When should I have stopped?
49:37
[Music]